Why we are all Toxic, and why we need to stop labelling people.
You’ve seen the quotes, You’ve heard the songs, You’ve probably even heard someone close to you label someone toxic.
First off, the quotes? They are just that. Quotes, taken out of context, left to be interpreted by how YOU perceive it.
Secondly, the songs? They are emotionally driven. We both know you’re not thinking rationally when your emotions are strongly influencing what you say.
Finally, you’d expect your close ones to know when to label someone wrong or toxic for you, right?
Wrong.
They know what you tell them. Cry to them when you’re down, and emotionally exhausted, they will only see that part. Never forget. People respond to strong emotions as a red flag, especially if they care for you. They will not and probably has not been there in the good times. No matter how well you explain how good your boss, friend or partner is afterwards is going to change how they saw you in a time of need. We mostly turn to our close ones for support in hard times.
Now don’t get me wrong, some people are toxic, but not because of their behaviour. They can be labelled it, because they are consistently (as long as you’ve known them) been toxic, been a bad influence.
How do you know the difference?
Well. That’s the million dollar question, and it all comes down to Accountability.
Can the person admit what they did was wrong, and are they willing to change and grow? If the answer to those questions is yes, then the person is not toxic. They’ve done something that might be considered toxic.
Image this. When a kid makes a mistake, we tell them what they did was bad, we tell them ‘they need to change’. Their behaviour might have been bad at the time, but that doesn’t make it right labelling them bad for their mistake, or not being able to see what they did was wrong at the moment.
And aren’t we all somehow kids? we don’t know what we don’t know. NO one has lived their life twice, we are all just making it up as we go, so we can’t expect to know/see when what we are doing isn’t healthy, or is damaging.
We’re so quick to judge, and leave a good thing, because we don’t have the strength to stick it out.
My advice if you’re struggling? You need to take a break, do not close the door.
Learn to rest, not quit.
Is your boss not treating you right? Take a break, until you can approach it with clarity.
Is your family emotionally draining? Take a break, they will calm down, and so will you.
Is your friend too demanding? Take a break, they will see that they asked for too much.
Is your partner arguing over the small things? Take a break, you both need space to reflect and learn to forgive and let the small things go.
A lot of great leaders, and relationships took breaks, they rested. They didn’t just quit. Learn to stop labelling, start forgiving, giving people with good intentions a chance to grow with you.
Only those who take full accountability, and can normalise mistakes.. only those can make it far and find true happiness.
